My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
