I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
