see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
