Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
