Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
