Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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