Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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