I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dear god my vagina.
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