I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
