No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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