how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
