then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize