I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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