idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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