That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
