He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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