Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
