I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
