PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
this is an emotional support booty call
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
