My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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