operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
