She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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