I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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