i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
