Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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