i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
