SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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