I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
