Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
