I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
