I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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