hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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