Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
