Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
