I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
