If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
