Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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