Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
