Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
