It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
