Im at strip club and am horny
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
