fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
