Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
