You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You can't motorboat a personality
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
