you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I deserve this hangover.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
