Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All I want is dick and wine.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
