He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
