Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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