Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
