Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
