Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
where are my eyebrows?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
