just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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